Claire was supported by Child Bereavement UK in Edinburgh after her son Jamie died aged 10 from Covid-19. 

I was in denial and shock, and I needed to make sense of the world and the why...I just needed to find someone to speak to who knew and who could advise and guide me. 

Jamie tested positive for Covid on a Thursday in 2022 - 80 percent of his class were off with Covid that week. He displayed the normal symptoms, like a slightly high temperature. On Friday he was a wee bit worse. By Saturday he’d bounced back and said he felt great and wanted to go out and play with his friends, but at the time you had to isolate for ten days. 

On Sunday he woke up with a sore head and was being sick, so I gave him some fluids and Calpol. He fell asleep for four hours and when he woke up his behaviour and facial expressions were strange. Then he then started developing rashes and becoming very disoriented, screaming that he couldn’t breathe.

I called an ambulance and we went to the hospital where we were taken to resus. I was with Jamie and he seemed OK. But within half an hour the nurses were telling me that I needed to say goodbye to my boy. It was so fast - I was told he was poorly but I wasn’t told how poorly he was. The staff were all shocked at how fast it happened - they didn’t expect it. 

After Jamie died, a nurse gave me a book with numbers of places I could get support and then I got sent on my way. That’s how I came across Child Bereavement UK. I was in denial and shock, and I needed to make sense of the world and the why. I desperately, desperately wanted to speak to somebody who had been in a similar situation to me, to have that connection because I’ve never known another bereaved parent. I just needed to find someone to speak to who knew and who could advise and guide me. 

I needed to speak to somebody because I was on my own with Jamie as I don't have a partner or a husband; it's always just been me and Jamie. I was desperate to speak to someone and within a week they’d found me some support - I was very grateful. 

The bereavement support practitioner was very understanding and compassionate and just let me talk and cry. She totally understood where I was coming from, what I was feeling and the thoughts in my head. I needed to know if these thoughts were normal as I thought I was going crazy. 

Since I’ve had support I’ve seen changes in my own mindset, I can see that there’s hope. This feeling will never go away, this ache, but it's about taking this grief and this heaviness with me, building my life around it.

Grief is like feeling love but in a different way. It’s like a pain but it’s love, a mother’s love. Since I’ve had support I’ve seen changes in my own mindset, I can see that there’s hope. This feeling will never go away, this ache, but it's about taking this grief and this heaviness with me, building my life around it. My bereavement support practitioner helped me understand that you will dip from time to time and that’s fine, but it’s not fine if you’re dipping constantly. 

Everyone’s story and everyone’s child is different, but the thoughts and the emotions that you are feeling are normal and I think every bereaved parent feels the same emotion at different points on their journey. It is worth seeking support because it’s important to get help from someone who actually gets it and understands. 

I was on my own with Jamie for the ten and a half years that he was here; he was my reason for getting up in the morning and we had such an amazing life together. I need to keep busy for me personally, I need a reason to get up in the morning.

I’ve recently returned to work as a nursery nurse and although that was hard it’s also given me a purpose. I have so much love and so much mothering love and mothering nature to give. I cannot physically give it to Jamie so I give it to the kids that I look after at my nursery. 

I’ve also started fundraising for Child Bereavement UK and that also helps me. I wanted to do something at my village gala day as that year Jamie would have been involved. Obviously, it was tricky, but I wanted to do something. I contacted the fundraising team at Child Bereavement UK and they sent me loads of materials and with friends and family I did a tombola and bake sale on the day, raising over £1,500. 

Also my friend and I volunteered for Child Bereavement UK at Let’s Rock Scotland and I’ve signed up to become a donation tin distributor. I’ve had banners made with Jamie’s picture on them as all the fundraising I do for Child Bereavement UK is in his name - I’m doing it for him, and I take him with me. I like putting something back and putting Child Bereavement UK’s name out there because unfortunately within a month after Jamie died three children had passed in this area alone. Where do these parents go? Someone needs to shout about it and I’m willing to shout. 

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