Americo was supported by Child Bereavement UK in Buckinghamshire after his son Luca died in 2018 in a footballing accident, aged 14.

Child Bereavement UK gave me an A-Z map of my emotions and helped me find an easier route through.

Luca was a big boy - 6 foot 2 with a lot going for him regarding his football. He was goalkeeper for his football team and I was his coach. We were playing a game in West London when in a freak accident, Luca collided with another boy.

Luca was airlifted to the Royal London Hospital with major brain trauma. The doctors said there was nothing they could do for him and he died three days later.

I coped by throwing myself into sorting things out - phoning funeral directors and organising flowers and things. And I had a younger son, and my former wife has two children, so there was a bigger picture to consider. I  was brought up to be practical and to get on with things. In Italian culture the man takes care of everyone and doesn’t think of himself.

Because Luca died close to Christmas, the funeral was delayed and it took a month before we were able to have a burial. The day after I thought ‘what do I do now?’.

I went back to work and I told my boss I was fine. It wasn’t healthy but I felt it was better to crack on and occupy my mind with something else. But when I was out on the road in my car for my job, all of a sudden. I’d start crying; I thought about Luca every day - if I listened to a certain song for instance, I’d be reminded of him.

After six months I just felt things weren’t right. I got in touch with a support group, where I felt I had already started to address some of the issues they spoke about.

But in 2021, I became very emotional and found myself crying for no reason. My partner suggested I see the doctor who diagnosed PTSD. I was aware of PTSD but like most people the first thing I thought was about people in the military.

We found a PTSD counsellor who was helpful as I need to have answers to things or I can’t settle. Once she started telling me how the brain works and what causes PTSD, it started making sense.

Then someone suggested I think about going for support at Child Bereavement UK. Seeing the bereavement support practitioner helped me to deal with a part of my grief that hadn’t been addressed. I always said to my boys that whilst I’m around nothing will happen to you, but I was there and I couldn’t help Luca.

Unless you’ve lost a child yourself, you don't understand, you never will. For me there’s normal grief and then there's grief due to child bereavement and that’s the bit I needed help with.

The bereavement support practitioner explained to me how you can move between being deep in your grief and being in a practical phase and that seemed right to me, it made sense. But, in general, she didn’t need to say anything - the fact that I could come every month for one hour and just talk about Luca was helpful.  

I do talk about him to others but not in the way I did at Child Bereavement UK because I didn’t want to upset other people. At Child Bereavement UK I could just be raw and just get it out of my system.

The support at Child Bereavement UK helped me to be more accepting of the situation. I was able to let things go and had answers that explained how I was thinking.

The support at Child Bereavement UK helped me to be more accepting of the situation. I was able to let things go and had answers that explained how I was thinking. I learned that I'm not the only person who thinks that way who has lost a child and that my feelings were totally normal.

I still have my days - that’s OK, that’s fine. I miss Luca, and I always will. When people ask me how many children I have, I still say two boys. Then the difficult question comes, ‘How old are they?’ I always say that my youngest is 18 this year and my oldest boy would have been 21 next year. People say, ‘he would have been?’ and then I say ‘unfortunately he died’. I get it out of the way so it's not the elephant in the room.

My advice to others who have lost a child is accept that you can have bad days where you just don't want to speak to anybody - if you want to shout, you want to swear, you want to cry, do it, however raw it is. Always acknowledge your child - don't be afraid to mention their name. The more you do things that remind you of your child, the easier it becomes, I’ve found. I look at photos of him and I listen to music that was played at his funeral all the time, and even songs he added to my playlist. It's painful at first, but it makes things easier in the end and enables you to go about your day-to-day business without worrying how you might react if something suddenly reminds you of them.

I’d one hundred percent encourage other parents to come to Child Bereavement UK for support but come when you’re ready. Don't come because you think it’s the right thing to do or it’s what other people think you should do. I came when I felt I needed to come; if someone had suggested support to me in the first year, I’d have said ‘don’t tell me what to do’.

Because I've been to Child Bereavement UK it’s made things a lot easier. You understand  things about yourself and accept it's OK to feel this way. You've got to be kind to yourself - coming for support has enabled me to do this - it’s calmed me. Child Bereavement UK gave me an A-Z map of my emotions and helped me find an easier route through.

Picture: Americo's son Luca, who died when he was 14 in a footballing accident. 

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