Why Hamnet may help others better understand the pain of child loss

by Georgina Faulkner, Bereavement Support Lead - Scotland

This powerful film may offer an important insight into how parents grieve and, perhaps, help people to engage with a difficult subject and become more understanding. 

‘Hamnet’ is a film adaption of Maggie O’Farrell’s 2020 novel which explores the impact of the death of William Shakespeare’s son Hamnet, who died aged 11, on his parents and wider family. 

The film skilfully shows how couples can grieve differently and the challenges they can face. We see William Shakespeare becoming withdrawn and disappearing into his work in the theatre in London, while his wife Agnes’s grief is visceral and externalised; she's angry at her husband and at life itself - everything feels unfair.

I know from families I support that couples can often grieve differently, sometimes leading to misunderstanding and in partners feeling isolated; in the film we see William and Agnes becoming increasingly estranged because of this lack of understanding and communication.  Seen in terms of the dual process model of grief, Shakespeare could be said to be restoration-oriented, keeping busy and active to distract from his feelings; I've spoken to parents who say that while they don’t appear to be grieving they are feeling their grief very deeply. Meanwhile Agnes is loss-oriented, focused on the pain of her bereavement.

The moment of understanding comes when Agnes sees a performance of Shakespeare’s new play ‘Hamlet’ and realises that it is about their child, about their life and their experience. She understands that her husband has been grieving and has been using creativity as an outlet for his emotions.

I went with a group of people to see the film; all were very moved by the film and some were shocked by its unflinching portrayal of grief. It is a hard film to watch, in many ways, but it is honest - losing a child is that difficult and that raw.

For most people the death of a child is too hard to contemplate and many understandably don’t want to confront the idea. Yet this powerful film may offer an important insight into how parents grieve and, perhaps, help others to engage with a difficult subject and become more understanding.

See our resource for more on how couples can grieve differently and how to understand these differences.

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