Supporting a child or young person after the death of a sibling

Helping a child navigate their emotions

As a parent, carer, or supporting adult, you may be experiencing your own grief, and trying to support your children at the same time can feel overwhelming. Being open about your emotions and showing your grief can actually help children and young people. It can show them that sadness is a natural response to loss, and that it’s okay to express how they feel. This openness can reassure them that they’re not alone in their emotions and that grieving is a shared, human experience. 

Children and young people process grief in different ways. Some may cry, express anger, or show signs of sadness. Others might become quiet, seem unchanged, or act protectively toward you or other family members. There is no “right” way to grieve. 

Young people may also worry that something they did or said caused their sibling’s death. This is a common reaction, and it’s important to reassure them that they are not to blame. Encouraging open conversations and validating a young person’s feelings can help them at this time. 

If their sibling was also a close friend or playmate, a young person may feel a deep sense of loss, not just as a family member, but also as a companion who was part of their everyday life. To manage these secondary losses alongside their grief, it might be helpful to make time to play with the child or spend time with them in a way that feels comfortable for them. You could ask if they would like to invite a friend over, or if you have family members with children, perhaps arranging for them to spend time together may help them feel less lonely.  

View our resource for detailed information on supporting your child when their sibling or when a twin sibling dies.

Telling your child that their sibling has died

You may feel an urge to protect your child from the reality of death, but being honest is key to helping them understand what has happened. Using direct and clear language like “died” or “dead” helps avoid confusion. Gently check that they understand what those words mean, as children sometimes interpret things in unexpected ways. 

If you feel able to, it’s important to be honest and clear about how their sibling died. Find more advice on our resource about explaining to a child that someone has died.

It’s natural for children to revisit the conversation more than once, and they may ask questions at different stages of their grief. Be patient and open - allowing these questions helps them process what’s happened in a way that makes sense for them.  

Children may also go through stages of understanding and grieving, and their needs may change over time. It’s helpful for them to know that you are also grieving and they’re not alone in their feelings. 

Helping a child or young person manage their emotions

Children and young people often express their grief in many different ways, and it can be difficult for them to understand or explain what they’re feeling. Here are some tips to help support them in managing their emotions during this time:  

  • Keep their sibling in the conversation – Talking about the sibling who has died can be a helpful way to process grief. Sharing memories, stories, or even looking at photos together can bring comfort. It helps children understand that it’s okay to talk about their sibling and to feel a continued connection to them. 

  • Encourage expression – Let them know it’s okay to cry, talk, draw, write, or express themselves in a way that feels right to them. 

  • Keep routines and boundaries where possible – Familiar daily routines and boundaries can provide a sense of safety and normality. 

  • Offer time and space – Some children need quiet time alone, while others may want more closeness and reassurance. Follow their lead. 

  • Validate their feelings – Let them know that all their feelings are okay and a normal part of grieving. 

  • Reassure them – Remind them that they are loved and supported, and that the death was not their fault. 

Practical activities you can do together:

  • Name the feeling – Help them identify and name their emotions, such as sadness, anger, confusion, guilt, or fear. 

  • Make and talk – We have a range of craft activities like: Create a Grief Chart and Coping Wheel.    

  • Fizzy feelings – Discuss how, like a shaken bottle of pop, feelings can explode if you don’t release them safely.  

Supporting them if they don't want to talk about it

Some people find it too painful or overwhelming to talk about a sibling who has died. Trying to talk about it can bring up strong emotions or even cause them to shut down. Letting them know that you won’t pressure them to talk before they’re ready can be a huge comfort. Simply accepting their feelings, whatever they may be, can help them feel supported and understood. 

With young people aged 13-25, it may be more helpful for you to follow their lead. Some openly show their grief from the start, while others may need time to process their loss before they show much emotion. Some can cope with the change and show little or no emotion at all, which is also normal.  

Let them know you are there if they want to talk, but you also understand if they would rather process their emotions internally for now. Being there is often the best thing you can do for grieving young people, even if they choose not to engage in your support at first. Knowing you are available will mean a lot. 

Talking to others after the death of a sibling

The death of a sibling can change how a young person sees themselves and their place in a family. If they don’t have other siblings, they may now find themself being described—or feeling like—an ‘only child’. This can feel confusing, lonely, or even unfair. 

Talking to them about how they might respond in these situations can help them feel more prepared and supported. You might help them explore different ways of answering, depending on what feels right for them and the context they’re in. 

It may be they feel unsure about what to say when someone asks: “Do you have any brothers or sisters?” 

There’s no right or wrong answer to this. What matters is what feels okay for them. Here are some ways they might respond, depending on who they’re talking to and how they’re feeling at the time: 

Be honest, if it feels comfortable

“I had a brother, but he died.” 

“I have a sister, but she passed away.” 

They don’t have to explain more unless they want to. 

Keep it general

“I used to have a sibling.” 

“It’s a bit complicated to explain.” 

This can open the door to talk more if they feel ready, or it can gently close the topic if they don’t want to go into detail. 

Choose not to mention it

Sometimes it’s okay to say “No” or “I’m an only child now”, especially if they don’t feel up to talking about it. This doesn’t mean they’re forgetting their sibling—it just means they’re looking after their own feelings in that moment. 

Talk to close friends or trusted adults

They might find it helpful to talk with someone they trust about how it feels to be the only child now. They can discuss what they want people to understand about their sibling and family, and how they’d like them to respond if it comes up in conversation. 

What they say can change over time

The way they talk about their sibling might change as time goes on. What feels right now might feel different later—and that’s completely okay. 

Remember

They don’t have to have all the answers. 

They can still be a brother, sister, or sibling, even if their sibling has died.

They can talk about them when they want to and keep their memories in their own way. 

By talking it through with you, they can find the words—and the confidence—that feel best for them right now. 

The child or young person may find it helpful to do activities, acknowledge special dates, or find ways include their sibling in day-to-day life.

Discover ways to remember someone who has died here.

Visit our page: How we can support you for more on our services.

You can also call our Helpline 0800 02 888 40, email [email protected], or use our online Live Chat.

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