Why it's important to tackle barriers to seeking support for racially minoritised people. 

by Remi Martin, a bereaved Black woman from South London, play therapist and researcher with the Open University 

There is no one size fits all - when we understand this we can start to recognise why certain groups are less likely to receive the support that they need. 

Even within racially minoritised groups, there is so much diversity within our experiences of death, dying and loss. I am not speaking for ‘us’ but am writing to raise awareness of the complexities and intersectionalities of what it means to be a racially minoritised person, bereaved and residing in the UK.

We have all heard the phrase “everyone grieves in their own way”. But do we allow people to grieve in their own way? Asking for help is an act of vulnerability as it places trust and a measure of power in another’s hands. It can give space for people to take advantage or let you down, or for you to be failed by people you thought you might be able to depend on. For certain community groups, because this has been their experience and their norm, they avoid ‘help’ at all costs.

At Child Bereavement UK’s conference Cultural perspectives on supporting children and young people, I spoke about a “strong Black woman narrative” - an unspoken rule that exists amongst many Black women that says they need to be resilient and must prioritise this over being honest about how they feel. I believe this narrative extends to women of other racial groups too, but how can you support the unravelling of this mindset?

If you know someone who is bereaved who is from a different racial group to you, it can help to consider the ways in which they may experience their loss and the intersectionality with other aspects of their lived experience. In a research project I recently took part in alongside colleagues Dr Jane McCarthy, Dr Catherine Pestano and Dr Lystra Hagley-Dickenson, we identified the elements that can intersect with loss and racially minoritised people.

There is significant evidence that tells us that there are health inequalities between different racial groups, as well as in access to services and support. As a result, within racially minoritised communities there can be scepticism about support services and professionals.

There is no one size fits all - when we understand this we can start to recognise why certain groups are less likely to receive the support that they need. Standard bereavement support we hear about may include counselling, therapy, listening services, peer groups etc., yet some groups might need support in other areas, such as childcare, financial support, and secure housing. They may also need acceptance of their traditions and death practices - all without judgement.

While I cannot speak for all who identify as British and who are non-white, one of the overwhelming messages from our research was that when someone significant dies, they can “lose their doorway to their identity”. In essence when they are bereaved, they lose touch with parts of who they are that connect them to their heritage which can cause existential crisis.

Within many global majority practices, storytelling is part and parcel of the traditions and heritage. I want to encourage you to think about the power of storytelling and how that could support a person’s sense of self.

Personally, I have found this hard as a third generation migrant as my grandparents' Caribbean roots were swiftly drowned out by Britishness and quickly took on the idea that death and dying were taboo. However, I now embrace my personal story of my mother’s death and share it with anyone; experiences of loss are difficult, but it is also my life and part of my existence in this world. Life is natural, death is natural, the bit in between, the loss, is also natural.

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