For a child who has been bereaved of someone important, there will be many moments throughout the year when they particularly remember the person. For a child who has been trying – consciously or unconsciously – to hold off the full realisation of what has happened, memories may come most strongly on special days. 

Sometimes this is because, on these days, other people are remembering and talking about the person; for example, it might be their birthday or the anniversary of the day they died. Sometimes the date that holds meaning is individual to the child. For example, it might be the anniversary of the last time they saw their important person or the anniversary of a particularly treasured time together. Other dates may have a wider meaning, such as Mother’s Day or Father’s Day, religious festivals, Bank Holidays such as New Year’s Eve, Halloween or the child’s own birthday. It can be very helpful to children for someone else to be aware of these dates in order to create opportunities for marking them in meaningful ways.

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You will need:

• Some paper or a note pad to draw your calendar on, or a printed copy of our calendar template 
• A pen or pencil 
• Colouring pencils or pens
• Stickers 
• A computer or device if you would rather create your calendar digitally 

Instructions:

1. Draw your calendar either digitally, by hand, or you might like to use our calendar template. 

2. Decorate the calendar as you wish with colouring pencils, pens and stickers, highlighting the days or months that are important and remind you of your special person. 

3. If you are using a physical calendar, frame it if you can, this will make it feel even more important.

An additional way of using a calendar of memories is to prompt the child to think about how they might want to mark an upcoming important date. Alternatively, it may be a helpful prompt to talk about why remembering on these days may feel particularly poignant and difficult and to think of ways to ease this.

It can also be helpful for schools to have copies of these calendars so that they, too, can be alert to the days that may be difficult for a child. If such a calendar of memories is made in primary school, for example, it is very helpful to ensure it is passed on to the child’s next school to help them offer particular support on these days.

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Watch our short animated film which helps children, young people and adults understand grief and how to manage it.