Lori, aged ten, was supported by Child Bereavement UK in Glasgow. Lori and her mother Charlene talk about how support helped her cope with her grief. 

I don’t know what Lori said at her sessions with Child Bereavement UK, all I know is the difference I saw in her. It’s only when she has occasional emotional times that I can see how different she is from when she started coming for support.

Charlene

Lori’s dad passed away when she was only five on Christmas Eve, so it was not the best of times for her. She seemed to be handling it pretty well until the week before she turned ten, which would have been her dad's 30th.

I don't know if it was the big birthday or her age, but it just seemed to be like a trigger. She really struggled with her emotions and would get really upset. I’d ask her why and she’d say she didn’t know, she just found it really difficult to handle her emotions. 

Lori came to Child Bereavement UK for one-to-one support every month. The bereavement support practitioner introduced art into her support as Lori loves to draw. It just seems to give her something to focus on and she just loves expressing herself through art. I don't have an artistic bone in my body so it’s her own place where she can go to relax and enjoy herself. If she’s having a difficult time or is getting a bit frustrated, drawing lets her focus on something positive and that helps with hard emotions and stops them building up; it’s like a release more than anything.

Lori tends to open up better when I'm not there. I used to tell her I was here if she had any questions or wanted to talk and family members said this too, but she didn’t seem too comfortable with that.

I don’t know what she said at her sessions with Child Bereavement UK, all I know is the difference I saw in her. It’s only when she has occasional emotional times that I can see how different she is from when she started coming for support. I think having an outside person to talk to really helped Lori - she was so comfortable with her bereavement support practitioner and looked forward to the sessions.

Lori’s dad was a massive Celtic supporter and now Lori is one of the biggest Celtic supporters you could ever meet, despite my family being Rangers supporters; she quite enjoys that connection. We also remember her dad’s birthday and have family over but Lori's not comfortable going to the graveyard, so we don't put any pressure on her to go. She got upset because she couldn't remember her dad's voice so I took a recording of his voice from a video and had it added to a Build-A-Bear.

Around Father’s Day, I ask her what she wants to do but Lori doesn't actually like making a big deal of these things. We just have a little chat about it, but we don't do anything as she's not comfortable with it yet. Her school is good around occasions like Father’s Day and lets Lori make a Mother's Day card. Again it’s about giving her choice.

If you’re a parent supporting a bereaved child I’d recommend you reach out to someone like Child Bereavement UK. It’s not your fault if you can’t help your child; sometimes it's not about you, it's about what you need for your child. Don’t take it all to heart because sometimes you're just not the right person to help your child and they need outside help.

Lori

I've done a couple of paintings with my bereavement support practitioner. I draw flowers because for me they represent growth and beauty. Purple is my favourite colour but I also chose green because my Dad was Celtic fan.

My bereavement support practitioner suggested quite a few things to help me calm myself down, but I chose to draw because it makes me feel very comfortable and very safe.

I’d recommend drawing to other bereaved children as when you’re drawing you can kind of ignore and put aside the world you’re in and go into a world of your own creativity and imagination.

I can draw no matter what. If I’m upset or angry, by just going and grabbing a pencil and paper, I can calm down and just ignore what's making me angry.

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