Child Bereavement UK’s North Team recently created a project in Halton to encourage local people to talk openly about death and dying and what they’d like to achieve before they die.  The project was supported by Compassionate Communities Network and was funded by Halton Borough Council.

The project was inspired by artist and designer Candy Chang’s thought-provoking installation in New Orleans called ‘Before I Die’ itself inspired by the death of a close friend. Candy was privileged to be aware of some of the things her friend wanted to achieve before she died but was sadly unable to do in time. Candy decided to create a public installation in an abandoned house in New Orleans - a chalkboard on which was stencilled the sentence ‘Before I die I want to…’Members of the public were encouraged to complete the sentence with their own personal aspirations.

Instead of a fixed wall, as in the original project, the Child Bereavement UK team applied for funding to create a wall that could be moved around the borough, spending time at several different locations. The wall has been located at local events, churches and libraries where people of all ages shared their wishes. The team also created a permanent wall in the waiting area of Child Bereavement UK’s service in Widnes for families to add to if they wish (see photo below).

Nicola Coutu-Langmead, who led the project for Child Bereavement said:

 "As a bereavement support practitioner at Child Bereavement UK, I see many children for whom the death of someone important to them is the first time they realise that people can die. It can come as a revelation for them because as a society we are more comfortable talking to children about where babies come from, for instance, but shy away from talking about death and dying."

 The wall attracted a range of interesting messages. Some were family-oriented such as, “I want to be a grandparent” or “I want to see my children grow up happy”. Others were personal goals such as wanting to ‘jump out of an aeroplane” or “run a marathon”. One person shared that seeing the wall was a welcome reminder to not put off the things we want to do, and another said they were going to take it as a sign to book tickets to visit their family.

There were also contributions from younger members of the community such as “I want to go to space”, “I want to learn to read long chapters” or ‘become a Lego master’. Several people engaged with the team but explained their reasons for not wishing to add a brick to the wall. One person said that she had “already lived life to the fullest” and so genuinely felt she had nothing to add.

Someone else said they felt the wall was “too confronting” and a few people visibly backed off, with one person sharing they felt we “shouldn’t talk about death”. The team was able to reframe the project to remind people that the project wasn’t about death but about making the most of the life we have. As people seemed to warm to this idea more, it left the team wondering about the difference between saying “before I die” and “while I am alive”. Words such as die, death and dying appeared very much to be taboo in the community.

One person who had backed away, came to see the team again and spoke about what she wanted for herself after her death. It felt positive that whatever had made her walk away the first time, had made her reflect on her wishes after her death and want to come back and speak about that. A retired man became quite emotional when he told the team that he had been lucky enough to achieve all the things he had wanted in his life. He spoke about his wonderful family, fulfilling career, and all the places he had travelled to. However, as he still wanted to contribute to the project, he added to the wall a wish to “learn to play the guitar like Jimmy Page from Led Zeppelin”. The team wished him luck but promised they wouldn’t be checking up on anyone!

Nicola said: "Inviting the community to share what they would like to do before they die has been a great privilege. As well as hearing what people would like to do, people have naturally spoken about the things they have already achieved and of which they’re proud. Overall, the whole project has been a great conversation starter, helping members of the community talk more openly about death and dying. Our hope is that even those people who found the project difficult might have gone home and talked about what they’d seen."