Dawn's son Daniel, who was affected by Crohn's disease, died in 2024 from sepsis and other complications aged 22 following a delayed operation. Dawn talks about how she was supported by Child Bereavement UK's North team.

My bereavement support practitioner explained things to me about grief that made a lot of sense. I realised that grief is never one thing, it’s never the same for everyone, we're all different. 

Daniel wasn't just my son - we were best friends. I sometimes worked from home and he’d sit chatting with me when he wasn’t well. He was in and out of hospital and when he was on the ward we would chat by FaceTime. We used to go out with our friends together even though we were in different age groups. 

When he died, it was horrendous. I was numb and didn't know where I was or how to function. When we came home after he died, no one contacted us from the hospital about bereavement support - we were left on our own to come to terms with the fact he’d just died. We were in disbelief that Daniel was gone, there was no warning.

Daniel died just after a Bank Holiday and I rang my employer to let them know. They told me to get a sick note and when I went to my GP I found out they had a list of patients who had died and that I could have had a sick note from day one. It would have been really helpful to have known that. 

Someone I know suggested that I think about bereavement support and I searched the internet and found Child Bereavement UK. I started seeing my bereavement support practitioner monthly via Teams. She  got me through; she said I was one of the most determined people she’s ever supported. At one session I told her that I didn’t have the heart to go into Daniel’s  room but the next month I told her I’d done it, something I said I couldn't do. 

My bereavement support practitioner was very gentle; it sounds daft, but it was like someone wrapping their arms around you, getting you back on your feet. She told me to be kind to myself - at that point I wasn't kind to myself, I was shutting myself away and she gave me a gentle nudge in the right direction. 

We would talk and do some things together online where she’d explain things to me about grief that made a lot of sense. I realised that grief is never one thing, it’s never the same for everyone, we're all different. 

She gave me strategies to help me feel less stressed when in a room full of people, like breathing techniques or looking for a particular colour in a room. That really helped me get to where I am today. I found that I liked walking and I walked loads with my two dogs, just to get into nature and out of the house. 

With the support of my bereavement support practitioner, I was also able to return to work. The office I work in is very open with hot desks - going through that door, I felt like I had two heads especially as not everyone knew what had happened, I had built up an anxiety about going back to the office.

My employers were very good though.  I visited the office before I returned to work  and met my manager in a side room, just to see how I got on. She then walked one of my colleagues in with my permission and then she bought all the rest of the team. We had a cuddle and I started to cry, then the following week I went back into the office. My family, friends and colleagues have been fantastic - without them I wouldn’t have got through it. 

It’s a totally different life now. Last Christmas Day, I bought two letter D decorations for the Christmas trees. When Daniel was cremated, I put his ashes in a container and also put some in a smaller one. I placed a picture next to the smaller container on the dining room table  with a picture of him, along with a picture of my other son at his graduation. Sadly, I also lost my dog Benji the Sunday before Christmas, so I put his collar on the table with a picture of him too. 

My advice to other bereaved parents is to remember that it's your own personal journey - there's no right or  wrong. Grief is a very, very strong emotion. 

My advice to other bereaved parents is to remember that it's your own personal journey - there's no right or  wrong. Grief is a very, very strong emotion. You’ll be fine one moment and then the tidal wave can just wash off your feet and then you've got to get up and swim again to get to the shore. And reach out , it's so important that you let people be there for you - friends, colleagues, professionals, anybody, because it’s an unpredictable journey, you don’t know what's going to happen tomorrow. It's not for everybody, but there's support out there for you, you don't have to do it on your own. You can get through it; I'm still here, fighting.

Dawn holding a photo of her son Daniel, who died aged 22. 

---

Visit our page: How we can support you for more on our services.,

You can also call our Helpline 0800 02 888 40, email [email protected], or use Live Chat on our website.