Focus Expand Think through the following question and how you might answer: 1. If your religious and cultural beliefs have helped you through a grieving process in the past, parents will appreciate hearing about this. a) True b) False
Presentation part 1 Expand Each and every one of us comes from a culture – what is minority in one setting can be majority in another. Not only do we come from a national culture and a religious culture, but a family culture as well. The bereaved family may be agnostic or atheist, Catholic or Church of England, Muslim or Jewish, Hindu or Sikh. Each group will have its own traditions that need to be honoured by hospital staff. Your own cultural traditions may be quite different from theirs. The best advice is to assume nothing and when in doubt, ask the parents what is appropriate. Refrain from talking about your own beliefs with bereaved families. Key points We all come from a culture: our family culture Each culture has its own traditions. Hospital staff need to honour and respect each person’s culture Assume nothing. When in doubt, ask! Remember your boundaries as a professional caregiver. It is not professional to establish close friendships with parents. What you can offer is a professional and supportive response in the very early stages of a long grief journey for the parents. Always keep in mind that parents have experienced the most painful ending when their child died. Any other meetings and endings they experience with you need to be managed with sensitivity and clear expectations – not stopped suddenly or avoided. Offering parents bereavement time with the doctor, midwife or nurse who knew their child, such as meeting after the follow-up appointment with the consultant, can be so useful to them. Planning where the meeting takes place is vitally important. Meeting in the hospital department where the death occurred is insensitive to the parent’s feeling. Having information about local support agencies and national helplines and services can be invaluable. Key points Remember your boundaries Offer parents a professional and supportive response Point them to organisations that can support them Time with a doctor or nurse who knew their child can help parents
Presentation part 2 Expand If your only contact with parents is in an emergency, be sure to allow them plenty of time to absorb what has happened. Provide a private space for parents to sit but be careful that they are not left alone too long so as to feel forgotten or abandoned. Many parents want detailed information about the circumstances surrounding their child’s death. Was she in pain? Who was with him? Did she open her eyes? Did he say anything? Parents are unlikely to be able to remember your name. Write it down for them to take away with them and let them know how they can contact you if they have any further questions. Parents have said that being with their child when the hospital team were trying to save their child was a comfort as they saw that everything possible was done – despite the distress it caused them to observe the procedure. Some parents prefer not to be present – always offer a choice. Be available to answer questions and let family members know they can phone you if more questions surface later. Tell them you will telephone them or write in 3 to 4 weeks. Be sure to keep to this arrangement. Setting a time aside to meet with parents later for a specific follow-up bereavement appointment can be useful to them. They can share again what happened at their child’s death or maybe have explained anything they did not understand in what felt to them the panic of the moment. This is especially helpful if you were there. You may not have the time personally to see parents in this way, so find out and let them know who is available to provide this support. This time can be a valuable way of finding out what support the parents, grandparents or siblings have, or may need. Please do not forget that siblings and grandparents may also have questions. How will these be attended to? Key points Allow parents plenty of time Be prepared to answer parents’ detailed questions Tell parents, in writing, how to contact you Being there when the life- saving team is with their child can help parents Telephone or write after 3 to 4 weeks A follow-up meeting can help by letting parents share again what happened, and by explaining steps they did not understand - it can also reveal a need for additional support Grandparents and siblings may also have questions
Siblings say - Vicky and Alex Expand Click below to play video, which will open in a new browser tab.
Review and reflection Expand Returning to the section called 'Focus' above, do you feel differently about your answer now? Reflection What are your personal beliefs around death and dying? Did anything in this module surprise you? What is your key learning from this module? Are there any questions you want to follow up either at your place of work or on the training day? Make a note of anything you would like to raise within the training course. Return to menu