Finding a way through Father’s Day: Tips from widowed parents

Father’s Day can be an especially painful time for families who are grieving the loss of a dad or another important father figure. With reminders appearing everywhere – from shop displays and TV adverts to social media posts – the day can feel difficult to escape and may bring a renewed sense of loss for those whose dad is no longer here.

Our Full Circle partners at the peer support charity WAY Widowed and Young have shared some advice from their members about how they navigate Father’s Day:

I ask my kids what they want to do. We are three years in now and they always say the same; daddy's favourite restaurant. So that's what we do! I think it's important to still mark the day as their dad would want to be here with them.

Helen

The first Father’s Day was a blur (given it was just seven days after my partner died). The following year, my son and I visited the seaside. My son has asked to visit the seaside again this year... I believe this will become our new tradition.

Laura

My advice to other widowed dads, particularly if you have young kids, is don’t be afraid to plan it yourself. It doesn’t have to be a sad day. Try and make it a positive day. As widowed fathers, we should give ourselves a pat on the back. We’ve worked hard to raise our children, and Father’s Day is an opportunity to treat ourselves.

WAY Member

This is our first Father’s Day. My daughters are 14 and 21. The 20th is hubby's birthday and 21st Father's Day. We have decided to call in on mother-in-law on the Saturday morning to share Dan's birthday, then we are heading to our favourite family place, as they happen to have a Summer Solstice event which includes overnight camping! Then on Sunday evening, depending how the day has gone, I or we will call in on my dad, though he knows this may not happen and is, of course, fine with that. I really didn't want to be at home for this one so it's worked out as well as it can.

Emma

I'm having a BBQ with friends (who will also paint my garden fence for me) on the Saturday.

On Sunday my wee boy (6) wants to have pancakes, then take a balloon and a card to the grave.

Beata

I’ve found our best way of coping is to be with people who understand so we go on the WAY weekend away in Derbyshire. It helps both my twins and I get through and understand there are others feeling the same way.

Amanda

My boys were 18 and nearly 14 on our first one and we decided to go to the cinema to see something George would have enjoyed. I then cooked his favourite tea.

Kathryn

Father’s Day and Gav’s birthday are always the same week. This is our 13th. We will head to the beach where we scattered his ashes as that was our place for a family day out. We have ice cream, donuts, fish and chips, play on the slots as we always did with him. The girls are 22, 20 &18 and they ask for us all to go together every year. We have a day filled with good memories and create more. Do what feels right for you and yours.

Lisa

My kids were 17 and 21 when the first fatherless Father’s Day came round. Both chose to work that Sunday at their pub jobs. I questioned if this was a good idea as the pubs would be filled with families celebrating dads… They both said it’s going to be a miserable day anyway so they might as well be getting paid. Since that year, we’ve just ignored it and treated it like any other day.

I try not to fixate on what we’ve lost and focus on what we had. Some people spend their whole lives searching for what we had and never find it and I was lucky enough to have had it for 25 years so I count myself lucky. I know it’s hard for many but Father’s Day is no longer significant to us so we choose to ignore it.

Yasmin

We tend to try and go for ice cream or coffee. Then try and head to the grave.

Amy

My three – now 19, coming up 21 and 23 – have each year since we lost their Dad asked to do something that they would have liked to do with Dad and build a new memory – walks, car adventures, films and much more. This will be our ninth Father's Day without Chris. They are discussing what adventure this year.

I threw it open to the three of them on all the major firsts – what would you like to do and we went with that. Father's Day and his birthday have continued to be ‘what would we have liked to do with Dad days’. What they decide, we do – and I hope that it continues for years to come (although I am fully aware as their start their own lives and families that will become more difficult).

Penny

We donate the money that we would have spent on presents to various charities in his memory. It feels like we’re still doing something for him.

Laura

About WAY

The WAY Widowed and Young community offers a safe space to talk to other people (both with and without children) who understand how it feels to be widowed at a young age.

To learn more about WAY and how they can support you, visit their website www.widowedandyoung.org.uk.

Find out more about our full circle partnership with WAY Widowed and Young

Visit our page: How we can support you for more on our services.

You can also call our Helpline 0800 02 888 40, email [email protected], or use Live Chat on our website.

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