A ‘living funeral’ (also known as a pre-funeral) is a celebration of someone’s life held while they are still alive. In most cases they are held for people who are not expected to live, whether due to illness or age.

Deciding to have a living funeral is a matter of personal choice; for some people it gives them a sense of control at a time when life can seem very out of control and choices over what happens to them may feel limited.

We know from families we support at Child Bereavement UK that families often find it helpful to make memories and that these memories can sustain families in their grief after their special person has died. Some people choose to have a memory book or memory postcards available at a living funeral so that those present can contribute a special memory. See our resource for more on finding ways to remember.

For some people, a living funeral can be an opportunity to choose how they want their life to be celebrated and with whom, to say goodbye to their family and friends, and allow them to make memories together. It may also be a way to confront the reality of their situation with friends and family in a positive and emotionally supportive way. It can also be beneficial for the family and friends of the person who is not expected to live. Often when someone dies, grieving families we support talk about regretting not having said the things they would have liked to have said to their special person because they found it too difficult to do so. A living funeral gives everyone a more formalised opportunity to express what they would like to say to each other.

A living funeral is usually, but not always, a joyful occasion where people may share stories of the person whose life is being celebrated, look at films or photos with them, share food and listen to music they like.

Children may find such occasions joyful or fearful depending on their understanding of what is happening to the person concerned. Age-appropriate explanations may help children participate more confidently. They may wish to do something creative to help celebrate the person’s life, like writing a poem, drawing a picture, choosing a song, or making a necklace. See our resource for more on creative activities for grieving children and young people.

The ceremony may have religious or non-religious elements, depending on what the dying person chooses or on the family’s cultures and beliefs, and may be held in a place of worship, the person’s home or an external venue.

You might say: ‘Grandma will die soon, and when she has died, we won’t be able to tell her how much she means to us. Having a living funeral for her means that she can hear from people while she is still alive how very much she has been loved and appreciated.’

See our other resources for more on explaining a funeral to a child and on supporting a child when someone is not expected to live. 

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