Often, when someone dies we are left with different memories and feelings of that person. We encourage you to think about memories with the help of three different stones to help you hold on to some of these memories, and the feelings that go with them, and remember the person who has died in all aspects of their relationship with you. 

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You will need:

• Rough rock
  This rock has rough edges. It is jagged and sharp and if you hold on to it tightly in your hand, it can hurt. Some memories that you have of the person who died may be rough, jagged and painful too. It may be uncomfortable to remember them, as they can be difficult or hurtful. They are still real and important memories though.
• Smooth pebble
  The pebble looks fairly ordinary. It is plain and normal, a stone that could go unnoticed. It has smooth sides that can feel soft to the touch and comfortable to hold. Some memories you have of the person who died can be about normal, everyday things: meal times, going to school, or a trip to the supermarket. These ordinary memories may not be really exciting, but they can be comforting and you may miss them a great deal.
• Gemstone
  This stone looks special. It feels smooth, is unique, and when you hold it up, it sparkles and shines – it is a precious stone. Some memories that you have of the person who died can be unique and special to you. They may stand out as precious memories that you will treasure for all time. 

Instructions:

1. Start by holding the rough rock in your hand and squeeze it. Feel how it can dig in and be painful.

2. Add the smooth stone and close your hand round both stones. How do they feel now?

3. Finally, add the gemstone and hold them all tightly in your hand. What does it feel like now? The rough rock is still there, we can’t take those difficult memories away, but it tends not to hurt quite as much as you are remembering all the memories and balancing them together.

4. Using the three stones to think about the person who has died helps us remember that person as a whole person in the fullness of your relationship and not just bits of it. This can help to make it easier to talk about the good and the difficult memories, as well as lots of other things that made up your relationship as it is all important.

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Watch our short animated film which suggests ways children and young people can remember someone important to them who has died.