Rachel and her four children were supported by Child Bereavement UK in Wirral after her husband Lee died suddenly. 

Since they’ve had support from Child Bereavement UK, I’ve noticed that the anger isn’t there as much anymore.

The children started getting support during the Covid lockdown which meant we received support via phone calls and some sessions over Zoom. Eventually, Debbie, our bereavement support practitioner, was allowed to go into school where she saw the older children and did activities with them. It was nice knowing the children were getting support when I felt I wasn’t in a place to do that well, and that they were doing things to remember their dad. 

The support made me feel as though a weight had been lifted; I was able to offload to her and have someone acknowledge that my feelings were normal and OK.

I continued to receive support over the phone and was also able to meet Debbie for walks during lockdown. The support made me feel as though a weight had been lifted; I was able to offload to her and have someone acknowledge that my feelings were normal and OK.

The children were all at different stages - the youngest is six now and the oldest is 12. My oldest doesn’t like talking much, but Debbie gave him strategies and activities that he could do in private to think about and remember his dad. I liked it when the other three brought things home they’d done with Debbie and wanted to talk about it - it was so nice seeing them keep the memory of their dad alive. 

When Lee passed away, the children were dealing with their feelings and didn’t know how to react, as much as I tried to reassure them that what they were feeling was OK. My eldest would bottle up his feelings and then lash out when it all got too much. 

Since they’ve had support from Child Bereavement UK, I’ve noticed that the anger isn’t there as much anymore and they have outlets like getting a drawing book out or looking at something they did with Debbie. 

When someone is bereaved, people sometimes avoid a conversation because they don’t know what to say. My advice is to acknowledge what has happened to them. I used to think ‘Is Lee forgotten?’. Don’t be scared to say something even if it’s just ‘I’m thinking of you’.

People also say ‘I know how you feel’ because they know someone who has passed away or they know what it’s like to be a single parent. I know that they're trying to empathise, but losing your spouse is like losing you and when you add on grief, it’s a whole new ball game. 

They also say ‘time is a great healer’ and that Lee would want us to ‘move on’. It's been just over two and a half years and it feels like last week, so you just sort of learn to get through the day without breaking down a little bit more, but it doesn’t change how much your heart hurts.

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