Sudden and Unexplained Death in Infancy or Childhood (SUDIC) is a term used when a baby or child dies suddenly and where there is no explanation for why they have died, often despite investigations.

Why am I experiencing so many different emotions?

The death of a child is a devastating experience and when your child’s death is sudden and unexplained, there are added layers of complexity which can affect how you are able to grieve.

Your grieving may be compromised by the need for official investigations, and you may experience a range of intense emotions over a protracted period which impacts on how you grieve. While intense emotions are a natural part of how we grieve, these feelings can be deeply distressing. Don’t expect too much of yourself but try to take one day at a time and make time to look after your own wellbeing and, if it is possible, let others support you in ways that work for you.

Shock and disbelief: The unexpected death of a child is deeply shocking; the trauma of your baby or child’s sudden death cannot be underestimated. Whether you were with your child when they died, found that they had died, or received a call, the impact is deeply distressing.  

At first you may feel numb with shock and disbelief and unable to process what has happened. Following this initial shock, your grieving response may then be put on hold, delayed or compromised by official processes that may need to take place such as the involvement of police and the coroners’ court.

Some parents we have supported at Child Bereavement UK describe this as being thrown into an unfamiliar world which is overwhelming and difficult to navigate and you may feel that your world has stopped while everyone else is just carrying on. Often things happen very quickly, giving you little time to understand what is happening and who is involved.

The death of a baby or child can make you very conscious of your own vulnerability and that of any other children in the family. Where there is no explanation for a child’s death, these feelings may be heightened and you may feel a frightening lack of control as everything that seemed normal and predictable for your family has been turned upside down.

Reliable information from professionals at this time can be particularly helpful yet sometimes this is not possible which can be difficult to cope with when you are searching for answers.

Guilt and anger: When your child dies suddenly and unexpectedly, you may feel a deep sense that you should have been able to prevent their death, even though this is not the case.

Parents we have supported at Child Bereavement UK tell us they can be troubled by ‘what if?’ scenarios, e.g. ‘What if we hadn’t gone to the shops?’, ‘Why didn’t I go to the GP when my child said they weren’t feeling well?'.

It is understandable that you will want to know why your child has died and when these answers are not available you may blame yourself or others. It is not uncommon to question yourself and to be angry with yourself or other people, and, in some cases, with the professionals who cared for your child or who are involved in the investigation process.

Uncertainty and anxiety: The sudden and unexplained death of your child may leave you feeling a deep sense of distrust and uncertainty about life. Everything you anticipated and dreamt about for your life with your child and for your child’s future is lost and it is understandable that you may be anxious about other children you have.

It can help to talk to someone about any difficult feelings. While many people find the support they need among their friends and family, you may feel you need additional support from someone outside of your immediate circle or from a professional with experience in supporting families in these circumstances who can work with other agencies and professionals to ensure you have the support, information and reassurance you need.

There are a number of charities that support parents when a death is unexpected and unexplained such as Elliot’s Footprint and SUDCUK.

Child Bereavement UK supports parents who have been bereaved of a child of any age. If you'd like to discuss bereavement support with us, please contact our Helpline.

Why am I grieving differently from my partner?

The way two people in a relationship deal with grief can sometimes differ and this can put additional strain on a relationship when a couple are bereaved. When a child dies unexpectedly and there is no explanation as to why they died, it can be particularly difficult to find the emotional resources to help each other when you may feel it takes all your energy trying to get through the day.

When the way partners express their grief differs, it can cause conflict in a relationship. It may be that one of you is in a ‘loss-oriented’ phase of grief where you are deep in your grief, while the other may be focusing on practical aspects, including dealing with professionals and investigations, which may be misinterpreted by the other as uncaring towards them and misunderstood that they are not fully grieving for your child.

If it’s difficult to talk about your feelings together, you may find it useful to have bereavement support as a couple with someone whose job is to listen and who can help you understand and support one another in a constructive, facilitated way.

How can I look after my own wellbeing?

The unexpected death of your child is an overwhelming, devastating experience and you may feel it is impossible to think beyond the next hour let alone the day or week ahead. As difficult as it might seem, finding ways to look after your wellbeing - both physical and mental - is important to help you manage this hugely difficult time. See our resource on ways in which you can look after yourself.

How can I support other children in the family?

If you have other children, coping with your own grief while supporting them can be very challenging. How you tell your child that their sibling has died will be influenced by their age and understanding. Try to tell your child in direct language avoiding terms like ‘gone’ or ‘passed away’ which can be difficult for children to understand. For younger children, you may have to repeat information and answer their many questions over time as they try to make sense of what has happened.

It’s OK to explain to your child that you don’t have all the answers. You might say: “The doctors don’t know why Tom died and sadly sometimes even doctors can’t find out why someone has died.” Reassure your child that they are safe and that you will try to answer any questions they have. Younger children can be prone to ‘magical thinking’ which means that they may think they are in some way responsible for what happened or can wish their sibling back to life. It is therefore very important to  explain things to them and answer their questions as clearly and honestly as you can.

How can I say goodbye to my child?

Saying goodbye to your child can be one of the most difficult things you will ever have to face. When your child dies suddenly and unexpectedly, there can be added complications such as not being able to hold your child or view their body while investigations are taking place. For some parents, being with your child can be an important part of feeling that you are continuing to care for and parent them, so this can be extremely difficult and may delay your ability to grieve fully for your child.

In time, it may help to create memories of your child. For instance, you might make a memory box containing items that remind you of them or make a digital memory box with photos and videos. See our resource for more on ways to remember your baby or child.

How can I be supported to cope with Sudden and Unexplained Death in Infancy or Childhood (SUDIC) investigations and the Child Death Review (CDR)?

What investigations might take place? When a child dies unexpectedly and without an explanation, parents not only have to cope with their grief but are also likely to be involved in official processes involving a number of agencies, possibly including the police, children’s social care, and a paediatric pathologist. To help you cope with this and to help answer any questions you may have, you may be referred to a SUDIC team who work with the relevant professionals and provide support for families.  If a postmortem is suggested for your baby or child, you may find it helpful to view our resource for guidance.

What is a Child Death Review (CDR)? A Child Death Review is a process in which professionals investigate the death of a child under 18 to find out how they died and to look at how deaths can be prevented in the future. As a parent you will not be invited to attend CDR panel meetings, but you should be informed of the meetings and asked if you have any questions or comments to make.

Coping with these processes can be very difficult and you may be referred to a SUDIC team who work with relevant professionals and provide support for families. Child Bereavement UK supports parents who have been bereaved of a child of any age, if you'd like to discuss bereavement support with us, please contact our Helpline.

The Lullaby Trust has produced a guide to the Child Death Review for parents and carers which you may also find helpful.

How can others help?

The unexpected and unexplained death of a child is extremely difficult to accept and understand and other people can feel awkward talking to bereaved families about it, resulting in their feeling more isolated in their grief.

Families we have supported tell us that if you know someone whose child has died unexpectedly and for no known reasons, it is not helpful to speculate or ask them for answers as to how their child has died. It is kinder and more supportive to give them space to talk about their feelings, if they wish to. You might say: “I can’t even begin to imagine how difficult it must be for you. I am here to listen if you would like to talk.”

Watch our short film for guidance on supporting someone you know who has been bereaved.

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With thanks to Elliot’s Footprint for their help with this resource. In partnership with Child Bereavement UK, Elliot’s Footprint funds a bereavement support practitioner to support families in West Yorkshire following the death of a child where the death has been sudden and unexpected/unexplained (SUDIC).

Read a blogpost by Nicola Thornton, Bereavement Support Practitioner (SUDIC).