The thankful tree is an activity that allows children a moment to take a step back from all the overwhelming emotions grief makes them feel and focus on the things they currently have in their life that they are thankful for, or that make them feel good. Feeling good and talking about things that they feel happy about doesn’t erase the child’s other emotions, but it could allow them some breathing room and give them something to work on to take their mind off their situation. Having a completed tree to look at when they are having a bad day can also help the child, as it can give them ideas as to what they might like to do to help themselves feel better.

All children are different, some may jump at the opportunity to talk about things they are thankful for, and others may find this more difficult if they’re not feeling like it that day. Puddle jumping is an analogy often used to describe how children jump in and out of their emotions when they’re grieving. It may be that one minute they are crying and feel all consumed by their sadness, but a minute later they may be ready to play a game as a welcome distraction. The emotions children feel in grief have no set time limit, order they’ll come up in, or expiry dates, so their reaction over time is not something we can predict.

If the child asks you some questions or brings up big emotions during this make and talk activity, it’s okay to let them know you aren’t sure what to say right now but you will come back to that question or topic later. It is really important that you do come back to them when you’ve had a chance to process and find an answer, this will enable the child to trust you should they need to speak with you again about their grief. 

For more advice, please see our resources on supporting a bereaved child, where you will also find information on children's understanding of death at different ages. 

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You will need:

• Three A4 sheets of paper
• Pens/pencils
• Scissors
• Glue
• Tape
• Help from a grown-up

Instructions:

1. Tape two sheets of A4 paper together to make an A3 size.

2. Draw the outline of a tree trunk in the centre of the pages.

3. Draw some branches coming out of the top of the tree trunk – as many as you like!

4. Take your third A4 sheet of paper and ask a grown-up to cut out some leaf shapes for you – if you have any green paper, you could use that, if not you could colour them in using a light green coloured pencil or pen.

5. You’re ready to write!

6. On each leaf, you can write something you’re thankful for or that makes you feel good: a person’s name; your teddy or toy’s name; your favourite song/TV show/food/drink; anything that makes you feel good and you’re grateful for right now. You can draw and write on as many leaves as you like.

7. When you’ve written on your leaves, you can glue them (with a grown-up) to the end of each branch. If you have more leaves than branches, you can stick the other leaves over the top of the branches!

8. When your tree is finished, you can display it somewhere so you can revisit it whenever you like.

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This short animated film aims to help adults understand how grieving children can seem to move in and out of their grief, a bit like they’re jumping in and out of a puddle.