Why it’s important to connect when someone has been bereaved by suicide 

by Matthew Jackson, Bereavement Support Practitioner

I’ve supported many families over the years who have been bereaved by suicide and I’ve seen how intense their grief can be, often accompanied by feelings of guilt, uncertainty and disbelief. People bereaved by suicide often experience post traumatic symptoms such as flashbacks and nightmares. Someone once described it to me as ‘grief with the volume turned right up.’

Families often feel a sense of blame, and wonder what they should and could have done to prevent them from taking their own life. They can often withdraw because of their sense of shame and guilt, further increasing feelings of isolation. 

Other people can be unsure how and if to approach someone they know who is bereaved by suicide, exacerbating feelings of loneliness and isolation. While attitudes have changed, suicide remains a taboo subject resulting in people avoiding talking about it and in some cases actively avoiding someone they know who has been affected. One family I worked with told me that people even crossed the road to avoid speaking to them.

Breaking down these barriers is very challenging yet it needn’t be complicated; even small acts of kindness and compassion can be so supportive. Bigger gestures like calling round for a cup of tea or bringing a meal can be really helpful but simple things may be equally welcomed, like asking someone how they are, giving them space to talk if they want to, using the name of the person who has died, or acknowledging their bereavement and that your thoughts are with them.

Talking about the person who has died can feel daunting but in fact it can be extremely supportive. When someone dies by suicide, others can be unsure if they should mention them and the person who has died can become defined by their death rather than their life, preventing the family from forming and sharing memories. If you can, share any positive memories you have and help the family to celebrate the life of their special person. 

A sense of connection can be really important to someone bereaved by suicide. Families that I've worked with often say that it's very hard for anyone to say the wrong thing - they've already been through the worst thing possible. 

See our resources for guidance on supporting a child or young person bereaved by suicide and on support for yourself when your child dies by suicide. 

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