How parents can support grieving teenagers

by Sophie Cartwright, Bereavement Services Regional Lead - North
Child Bereavement UK

It’s better with teenagers not to force a conversation but to give them time and space; if you let them know you are there for them, and that you want to listen, they will often come and talk to you when they feel ready to.

Families can find it really hard to connect with their bereaved teenager and bereaved teenagers equally can find it difficult to communicate with those close to them. 

Young people we work with at Child Bereavement UK often tell us that coming to see us for support is helpful as their family is too close to the situation and emotions can be heightened and overwhelming. 

Many teenagers come to a support session not wanting to talk about their grief at all. They might want to talk about a falling out at school, forthcoming exams or other things that affect the daily life of every young person. Letting them talk about concerns and worries outside their bereavement is important as these can get in the way of them accessing their grief and talking about their special person who has died. 

Bereaved teenagers can sometimes feel defined by their grief, so finding another connection with them is important to helping them open up, whether that’s talking about a TV show they enjoy or their favourite music or sports team. This can be difficult for parents who feel that they should be doing something to help their child. 

In fact, it’s better with teenagers not to force a conversation but to give them time and space; if you let them know you are there for them, and that you want to listen, they will often come and talk to you when they feel ready to.  

Face-to-face conversation can often feel too intense for young people but a side-by-side conversation on a car journey, or while walking the dog, can be very productive. For some young people, making a piece of art, having a text conversation or making a memory box can better suit their communication style. 

Teenagers generally prefer to talk to their peers which can make parents feel confused and excluded. However, we know from the Groups for Young People we run at Child Bereavement UK that bereaved teens really value the opportunity to speak to other young people with similar experiences. The groups are a safe space where young people feel able to talk about their feelings, or sometimes just to talk about school, music, sport…things every young person is interested in. 

Parents can feel guilty that their child can’t talk to them about their grief but it’s important to realise that this is characteristic of adolescent development generally, whether the young person is bereaved or not. 

The good news is that by giving your young person the space to express their emotions in their own way, and by understanding the way they like to communicate, it is possible to maintain a positive connection and to support your teenager in a way that works for you both.

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