When a child in your class is bereaved, school is often a place of comfort with its familiar environment and routines. It’s important for the school and family to manage a child’s return, thereby ensuring that the pupil settles back in with the least amount of anxiety and stress.

Here are some tips to help a bereaved child in your class:

Keep in contact

When a school learns about a death, it may only be hours after the child knows. It can be really helpful for someone in leadership and/or the child’s class teacher to contact the family directly. This could be by phone or in person and can be followed up with a card for the child. This is an opportunity to express the school’s shock and sadness about what has happened; communicate that the school will do all they can to support the child who has been bereaved; and plan how and when that child will return to school.

Keep informed

Before a child returns to school, try to speak to the family so that you’re aware of the cause of death and what the child has been told about it. Families often say it is important that they are asked how they would like the school community to be informed about the death. Some children who have been bereaved feel anxious about everyone knowing, and instead would just like their close friends to know.

There may also be some sensitive issues around how the person died, and what the family would like to be shared. Where possible, speak to the family directly and ask their views about this before telling the students.  

Welcome the child on their return to school

A simple way of helping a bereaved child return to school is if their class teacher and maybe a friend meet them outside the classroom. It can be daunting to walk back into a classroom on your own. 

Ask the child what they need

When the child returns to school, acknowledge the death and ask them what they want. Do they want everyone, no-one or just their close friends to know? What sort of support do they feel they need? With a younger child, you may need to have this conversation with the child and their carer.

Organise ‘time out’

Agree a way for the child to indicate to you that they need some time to themselves or are feeling upset. It could be a card they put on the table so that they don’t have to say anything. Give the child options of places to go if they’re upset and need time out and speak to them about who will accompany them.

Speak to the rest of the class

If the child is happy with this, it can be helpful if they can be present when the class teacher simply reminds the class what has been happening and gives them a few prompts for action. For example: 

“We have Alfie back with us today. As you know, Alfie’s mum died last week. She had been ill for a long time but it’s still a huge shock for Alfie and his dad. Alfie has asked me to say that he’s really grateful for all the kind messages people have been sending him but it’s still a bit hard for him to talk about it. So, do include him in stuff but also give him a bit of space to find his feet, ok?” 

Prepare ‘time out’ activities

Some children find doing an activity helpful when they are feeling upset or overwhelmed. You could organise activities for them, such as threading, colouring, writing a journal or drawing.

Manage lunchtimes

Ask the child with whom they would like to have lunch. They may prefer to have lunch alone or with a teacher at first, but encourage them to have some social interaction. Give the child choices but try to avoid them becoming isolated in their grief.

Check in regularly

Have regular check-ins with the child to make sure that they are OK.  

You might ask: ‘Is everything OK?’ and ‘Do you need anything different?’ rather than directly asking them how they feel.

Ask who their friends are: Find out whom they see as their friends and whom they trust. Ask the friends to be supportive and understanding if the child is sad or upset.

Don’t expect too much

Let the child ease back into schoolwork and don’t expect too much from them in terms of homework. Liaise with the child’s carers about setting short-term, achievable targets. Talk to them about what they enjoy doing and give them opportunities to do these things. They need to know that it’s okay to have fun and that it doesn’t mean that they are no longer sad, just because they are enjoying themselves.

Be sensitive to changes in a child's behaviour.

It is normal for bereaved children to find it difficult to concentrate after someone has died. They may also become overwhelmed and then ‘jump’ back to laughing with a friend. They may want everything to be as normal as possible. Or they may need people to acknowledge regularly that things have changed forever. 

Be aware of any other bereaved children in your school.

When a child is bereaved and the school community becomes aware, it can be difficult for other children who have previously been bereaved. It may re-awaken their own grief or prompt new questions. It is helpful if staff can be alert to all those who have been bereaved. 

Help with transitions to secondary school or when they leave education 

Teachers at the top of primary schools can make the transition to secondary school so much easier for children if they ensure that the new school is aware of any bereavements, along with any important dates for the children. They may also be able to play a role in any difficulties around allocations to secondary schools that may affect bereaved children. 

Teachers in Year 11 and Year 13 also have an important role to play in recognising that the ‘goodbyes’ from education and from familiar surroundings and people maybe especially poignant for those who have been bereaved. 

If you are concerned about a bereaved pupil or just need some guidance or information, call our helpline on 0800 02 888 40.