The exam season can be hard for all young people, whether you’re taking GCSEs, ‘A’ Levels, Highers or SATS. The build-up to exams and then sitting exams can be a very stressful time with the hard work involved in revision, the exams themselves, and the pressure to to well and perhaps to get the results to go to sixth form, university or college or to start a career or apprenticeship. 

For young people who are bereaved, exam time can be a particularly difficult time; you may find the tense atmosphere of the exam period hard to cope with while also trying to manage overwhelming feelings of grief. Often, especially over the holidays or during exam leave, revision can feel like a very lonely time when you may need to spend hours on your own and perhaps socialise less then you would normally.

You may also find it difficult to motivate yourself; some young people we have supported tell us that they struggled with seeing the point in exams after their life had been turned upside down by the death of someone important to them; others found it spurred them on to prove themselves by just doing as well as they possibly could under difficult circumstances, and welcomed the distraction of exams and the need to focus on their work. All these feelings are normal.

Here is some guidance to help you manage around the exams period.

Parents, carers and professionals may find it helpful to view our resource on supporting a grieving young person during their exams.

Have a plan

It is likely that your school will recommend having a timetable which can help you prioritise subjects to revise. This can help you feel in control and minimise last-minute stress. It is also an opportunity to plan in some important time for breaks such as listening to music, doing some relaxation exercises, sport, or going for a walk as these can help you feel calmer and better able to cope. Have a look at our tips from young people on looking after yourself when you’re bereaved. 

Prioritise your wellbeing

It’s important to look after yourself during exam time and it can help to make sure you’re eating a healthy diet, staying hydrated and are getting enough sleep. Have a look at our guidance from young people on how to improve your sleep. On the day of an exam it can help to make sure you’ve eaten beforehand, even if this means having breakfast at school or college, as this gives you the energy you need to cope with what may be a long and tiring day. 

Recognise when you’re feeling stressed

Try to be aware of when you’re feeling stressed and overwhelmed as this can help you know when you need to take time out to relax. Some people find journaling helps them to keep an eye on how they’re feeling or you may find it helpful to check in with how your body is feeling - is your heart racing, are you finding it hard to sleep, do you have butterflies in your stomach? Taking time out to re-set (see ‘Have a plan’ section above) can help you to reduce feelings of stress and feel more in control.

Talk to someone you trust

If you are struggling and feeling stressed, it can help to talk to someone you can trust such as a parent, carer, a trusted adult in school, or student welfare at college. It’s good to speak to your friends too but sometimes it can increase the feeling of anxiety if your friends are also worried about exams. You might find it helpful to talk to an approachable tutor or other teacher who may be able to offer you some suggestions and reassurance.

Try not to compare yourself negatively with others

It’s easy to get swept up in the general anxiety around exams and to compare yourself negatively with others. It’s important to recognise that trying to do the best you can in difficult circumstances is a big achievement in itself, regardless of the outcome; exam results don’t define your value to others and in some cases exams may be retaken if they came at a difficult time for you. 

Ask your school or college for help

Your school or college may be able to help you manage exam time better by helping you manage your revision, organising for you to do your exams in a separate room if you wish, and providing support if an exam falls on a difficult day for you. In some but not all cases, special consideration for bereavement may be made by exam boards. It’s best to make your school or college aware of your situation as soon as possible so that they can look into any special arrangements that might be possible. 

Find ways to remember

If you know exam day is going to be hard for you, then you may find it comforting to have something with you on the day that reminds you of your special person who has died; perhaps this might be something you can wear or keep in your pocket. As exam rules are often very strict, check with your school or college to see what you might be allowed to take into the exam room. 

Prepare for exam day

It can help to reduce stress if you are prepared for exam days. Make sure you know where your exam will be taking place, have the right equipment with you and if you need to familiarise yourself with the exam room ahead of time. 

Exam invigilators have to ensure strict exam conditions are adhered to, but if your school or college is aware of your bereavement then they can make sure that this is taken into consideration, for instance if you need time out if you suddenly feel upset or if you have an emotional reaction to something in the exam (such as a poem or a scenario). 

Remember it’s OK to grieve

Unfortunately there is no magic tap that enables you to switch your grief off when you have something important coming up. It is important to recognise that you are doing your best at a very difficult time and not to be hard on yourself. Strong emotions are normal when someone important to you has died and it is better to release those feelings rather than bottle them up - watch our animated film The Invisible Suitcase for more on managing grief. 

When things feel really hard, sometimes we feel much better after a good cry which can release chemicals that build up and make us feel stressed. Watch our short animated film Volcano for more on coping with difficult feelings.

Coping with result day

Results day can be both exciting and daunting for any young person but if you’re bereaved it can be especially difficult to experience this milestone in your life without someone special to you who has died. View our resource on managing results day for guidance. 

Seek support

Difficult feelings are normal when you are grieving and you don’t have to manage alone. Young people we have supported tell us it can also be very helpful to talk to a professional outside their friendship or family group. You might like to speak to a trusted adult at school or to your student welfare team. You can also visit Talk Grief, our dedicated online space for grieving teenagers and young adults, or contact Child Bereavement UK's Helpline using the details below. 

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Visit our page: How we can support you for more on our services.

You can also call our Helpline 0800 02 888 40, email [email protected], or use Live Chat on our website.