Pravin's grandparents died from Covid within eleven days of one another in India. His family had been unable to see his grandparents due to Covid lockdown restrictions in the UK. Pravin, aged 12, and his father Pradipta explain how they were supported by Child Bereavement UK in Leeds. 

Pradipta

I would say to any other parents of a bereaved child, don’t try to deal with the grief yourself - Child Bereavement UK staff are trained to help you?

My parents, Pravin’s grandparents, passed away in India during a period of Covid lockdown. We were unable to see them to say our final goodbyes, which was very difficult.

A year later, we planned to travel to India. I was very concerned about how Pravin would feel or react going to his grandparents’ house and realising they’re not actually there. I wanted some help to prepare Pravin for the reality that his grandparents had actually passed away. 

Although Pravin initially struggled to accept what had happened, through the support we had with Child Bereavement UK I saw a big transition in terms of how he was handling the grief and how he’s been ever since. 

When you go for support, you may worry that you’re  leaving your child with a stranger, but you don’t have to because you’re a part of the journey. In my case I was with Pravin in all our sessions and there were also sessions where my wife and my daughter came along. So instead of being an individual journey it was a family journey where you’re helped to deal with what has happened by someone who can help you understand the grief, deal with it and find a way to move on. 

In one of our first sessions the Bereavement Support Practitioner, Nicola, explained to Pravin that it’s OK to use the word ‘dead’ rather than ‘passed away’, something he really struggled with. Whenever his mum or I said that his grandparents were dead, he’d get very upset and angry. Through the support, he  learned to accept the word ‘dead’ and that his grandparents had died. Now for us as a family the word ‘dead’ isn’t as scary as it first was. 

Our sessions were never daunting - we looked forward to coming. Nicola made the sessions fun not only for us but also for Pravin’s sister when she came along. We did activities like making a memory tree, which we continued at home. We had hours of laughter and a few tears thinking about our memories and putting them on the tree. We also made jars in which we placed coloured chalk, using colours that reminded us of Pravin’s grandparents - we still have those jars with us sitting next to their photographs. It never really felt like counselling, it just felt like talking to someone you knew and we always came away feeling really happy. 

We had a good trip to India. Although it was sometimes difficult, Pravin was really prepared. There were lots of tears but equally there were lots of smiles and laughter as well, and we came back much happier as a family. 

One thing that really helped is that Nicola gave Pravin a ‘packing list’ of things that he could take on the trip that would help him stay calm and keep him happy. The list was really useful and helped him to handle what was to come. 

I would say to any other parents of a bereaved child, have no hesitation in giving it a go. Don’t try to deal with the grief yourself - Child Bereavement UK staff are trained to help you.  

Pravin

The help I got from Child Bereavement UK was really good and I feel like I’m on the path to accepting my grandparents’ death.

I came to Child Bereavement UK as both my grandparents had recently passed away and I wanted some help. It was confusing to lose both my grandparents - it just added to the grief. 

At Child Bereavement UK we played games and reminisced. We did things to make us feel better and help us, not to forget what happened, but to feel calmer and not as sad. Nicola, my Bereavement Support Practitioner, taught me to say my grandparents had died rather than just passed away because I used to not want to say the word ‘dead’. 

The help I got from Child Bereavement UK was really good and I feel like I’m on the path to accepting my grandparents’ death. Nicola helped me to laugh too when I think about my grandparents - I can think about them without crying. 

When we went to India, we brought some memories back and we also made memories. There were physical memories like objects and we also had talking memories because we had fun and made jokes in the house. It made it not like a sad place but like a good place where they lived. We took lots of our grandpa’s trophies home and lots of pictures.

I would recommend Child Bereavement UK to all grieving children and some adults as well. I’d definitely recommend it as it helped me so it will help them too. 

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