Saranba was supported by Child Bereavement UK in Buckinghamshire after her son Hakim, aged 18, died by homicide.

The support from Child Bereavement UK helped me talk about him. I never use the word ‘cope’ but it helped me to ‘walk the walk’ because it’s a long and painful journey, an endless journey. The support helped me on some of my darkest days.

One of the things I have enjoyed most in my life is my kids. I’ve been lucky to have them, and they fill me up - they are my pride and joy. Hakim was my best friend. We’d talk about everything, and I could tell him anything. He was such a wonderful young man, he had a heart of gold and was a great big brother to his younger siblings.

Hakim passed away two weeks after his 18th birthday. There were times when I felt ‘How can I do this? How do I live? How do I carry on? Is there any point being around when he’s not?’.

I was never supposed to bury my child, in the natural sequence he was supposed to bury me. I was not supposed to lose him at that stage after I had worked so hard, raised him well, done everything with him and we’d become a team. A mum gives birth but there’s nothing that compares to the pain that you go through losing a child.

The support from Child Bereavement UK helped me talk about him. I never use the word ‘cope’ but it helped me to ‘walk the walk’ because it’s a long and painful journey, an endless journey. The support helped me on some of my darkest days.

Many parents in a situation like mine don’t know where to go to, who to talk to and how to ask for help. Some find it difficult to talk about really deep, personal situations. I’ve met people that question how just talking with someone can help you.

My daughter said to me ‘I find it difficult to talk to somebody who doesn't know my brother. He’s somebody I’ve grown up with and I know him better than anybody. What can anybody say to me that will make it better for me?'. I said: “I understand, but it’s not about them knowing your brother, it’s about helping you to understand the difficulties that you’re facing.”

I can tell you, going through support is tough - every time I go, I break down completely and it shatters me to talk about things that are very raw. But afterwards it helps me to feel better and to talk about Hakim.

I think people from my culture, my background, of my colour, and possibly in my situation, are sometimes not used to talking about things and sometimes they don’t get the support they need. So it’s important that they know what Child Bereavement UK does and are encouraged to come forward.

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