Learning about the death of a public figure or celebrity in the new, media or online can significantly affect a child. This could be their first experience of death and have trouble understanding it, or maybe this brings up difficult feelings about their previous bereavement again. 

Death may be reported in the news for lots of different reasons, including a natural or man-made disaster, accident, reporting of a celebrity death, and suicide or homicide. You may find it helpful to view our resource on supporting a child after a frightening event is reported in the media. 

If the news is reporting a celebrity death, the child or young person you are supporting may have idolised the person who has died and perhaps watched them on TV or online regularly, which might make them feel a strong connection to them. It’s completely normal and valid to feel upset when someone famous dies, and if the child or young person has also been bereaved by someone important in their family or community, their emotions may be heightened by learning about the death of someone famous.

Grief can hit you at random times from seemingly irrelevant events. One event that you may have noticed recently is the passing of someone in the public eye, especially if it is an individual you looked up to. Their passing and the resulting outpour on social media may be a reminder of your grief and emotions. You may be casting your mind back to those first few weeks when the person you loved died and feeling all the raw emotions all over again. You might find yourself empathising with their family and friends and how they are now embarking on their own grief journey like you had to. You may even be looking back at how far you have come since your loved one died. Whatever you are feeling, know that you are not alone. Even though a celebrity passing may seem meaningless, it is just as valid as other triggers, like an anniversary.

Daisy, Youth Ambassador

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How can I explain death and dying to my child?

Although it’s tempting to use terms like ‘gone to sleep’, ‘passed away’ or ‘lost’, this can be confusing to children who often take things literally. If they’ve gone to sleep, why can’t we wake them up? If they’re lost, why can’t we find them? Although using words like ‘dead’, ‘died’ and ‘death’ might feel blunt and harsh, these words make it easier for children to understand the finality of death.  

This might be a child or young person’s first experience of death and, if they are younger, they might not fully understand what death actually means. This can be confusing and frightening for them. You might say:

“When someone dies, their body has stopped working and they can’t be brought back to life. They are no longer able to do the things they could when they were alive, such as move or talk. When someone dies, their heart stops beating, they stop breathing, their brain stops thinking.“

View our resource on telling a child that someone has died for further guidance. 

Break information down into bite-sized chunks: When a child has heard about a death in the news or from their friends and is asking questions, it can be helpful to break the information down into smaller chunks. Start with the simple details, that the person has died and how they died. How quickly you give all the chunks of information is also dependent on the child’s age and developmental understanding. 

Be honest: Without clear information, children might ‘fill the gaps’ themselves to try and understand what is happening. If you’re able, it’s better to be open, honest and direct when talking about death. There will also be lots of information available to them elsewhere – on TV, online, overhearing conversations and playground talk. This can mean that children imagine all sorts of things about a death, which are often worse that the reality. 

Let them know their feelings are normal: Whatever the child or young person is feeling, whether it’s anger, sadness, guilt, worry, confusion and more, these are all valid, normal reactions to learning about the death of someone. They may not be upset because they didn’t really have a connection to the celebrity, and that’s fine. However, if they are upset, it would be unhelpful to say something like, ‘you didn’t know them so you can’t be sad,’ and, instead, reassure them that it’s okay to feel what they’re feeling because their connection is real to them. 

Reassure and comfort: The way in which adults talk about upsetting events can convey a great deal. Children will be more reassured by a straightforward, matter-of-fact tone than by the actual words used. So, whilst acknowledging sadness or upset, it is helpful to be calm and reassuring in our manner. All children (and adults) will respond differently to death but what is universally needed by children is love, kindness, and reassurance. 

Be honest about your own emotions: It’s ok to let children and young people know that you feel sad too. It helps them to understand that their own emotions are normal and healthy and gives them permission to accept them. 

Use clear, age-appropriate language: Although it’s tempting to use terms like ‘gone to sleep’, ‘passed away’ or ‘lost’, this can be confusing to children who often take things literally. If they’ve gone to sleep, why can’t we wake them up? If they’re lost, why can’t we find them? Although using words like ‘dead’, ‘died’ and ‘death’ might feel blunt and harsh, these words make it easier for children to understand the finality of death.  

How can I talk to my child about a death by suicide?

Stories about death by suicide are regularly reported in the media and widely communicated in person and across social media, resulting in exposure to sometimes quite distressing reports. 

When these sorts of events hit the news, it’s important to think about how and what we communicate with children and young people. Most children and young people will have heard it talked about, and in some instances, it will be a significant topic of conversation in the playground. 

All adults, especially teachers, carers and parents, are important role models. It is appropriate and important to let children and young people know that we are all likely to have an emotional reaction to a frightening or upsetting event. We can show them that feeling sad, angry, confused or upset is normal, however, we also want to reassure them and show them that we are able to cope with even the most difficult events. 

For families who have experienced the death of someone important by suicide, stories in the news can trigger feelings and prompt questions from children. Equally, they may create an opportunity to tell a child or young person what happened to someone they knew. 

Is it OK to show my child that I feel sad too?

Be honest about your own emotions. It’s okay to let children and young people know that you feel sad too. It helps them to understand that their own emotions are normal and healthy  and gives them permission to accept them. 

 

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