What to say (and what not to say) to a grieving young person When a child or young person you know has experienced the death of someone close to them, it can be difficult to know what to say. It’s natural to want to comfort them, but sometimes common condolences can actually be upsetting or hurtful. So, we’re giving you some ideas of what to say to a grieving child or young person. It’s important to say that this is just a guide. Everyone reacts differently to the death of someone. Grief can bring on all sorts of feelings and emotions that can feel really big in some cases, and there is no order or particular way someone will feel as grief is incredibly individual. Be kind in what you say, show that you care by offering to do something for them – even if that’s just showing up on a phone call or in person and try not to discount their feelings. Your words and actions can mean a lot to a child or young person when they are grieving and go a long way in making them feel fully supported. What you could say to a grieving young person I’m so sorry to hear about your [name of person who died] Acknowledge how rubbish it must be (using their style of language, rather than formal language) I don’t know how you feel, but why don’t you tell me Offer a way to get in contact with you (phone number, email) for support (some young people have told us it can be helpful to have a codeword to use so that they don’t always have to explain when they need to talk) Ask them how you can help – you may like to include a token for specific support, e.g., ‘Here’s a token for a coffee and a chat when you’re ready’ Include a favourite memory – I remember when… (talk about a happy memory you have of their person or something they have told you about them) Include a favourite photo you have of the person who died Send them something at other times after their bereavement, "I know today is their birthday/anniversary/special day and I’m thinking of you" Follow up if you offered support – check in after a few weeks or months to show you really mean it Why are these good things to say to someone who is grieving? Acknowledging their grief and naming the person who has died shows care and support. Sometimes people might try to avoid talking about it, maybe because they feel uncomfortable or are worried about upsetting them, but avoiding it can make the bereaved child or young person feel more alone. Using their own language rather than generic phrases shows them that you have thought about what you’re sending, and sharing memories can help them feel recognised in their grief. By inviting them to reach out to you and talk about how they feel you are recognising that everyone grieves differently and letting them tell you how they feel rather than making assumptions. The initial rush of support can be overwhelming for children and young people, so sending a card a few months later, or on a special date or anniversary, can help to show you are there to support them throughout. What not to say to a grieving young person I know exactly how you feel You’ll get through it, just be strong There’s a reason for everything, life goes on Generic phrases, such as, 'With deepest sympathy' Overly formal language They’re in a better place It must have been their time to go Everything will be ok Just give it time, it’ll get better, time heals Visit our page: How we can support you for more on our services. You can also call our Helpline 0800 02 888 40, email [email protected], or use Live Chat on our website. Manage Cookie Preferences